Eve No Question is Stupid Thread - July 09, 2020

The fireplace crackled and growled in Vily's office. His armchair faced two other armchairs. There restedthe rumps of Progod "Two Dictors One Fleet Comp" Legend and Sapporo "Glad I joined SUAD instead of Dreddit" Jones, swirling the contents of their wine glass thoughtfully. It was apple juice, because they had all converted to Shia Islam to gain the favor of Imam Ali in this war and alcohol was haram.

"I'm looking at this," Vily began. He flipped over his iPad and showed r/eve. "This mess!"

"What's wrong with it?" Progodlegend asked. He thought every low effort post was funny so long as the proper flair was beside the name.

"We're winning the propaganda war," Sappo said confidently. "I'm not seeing a single Goon post for several lines."

"That's because all we're doing is making fun of a Goon line member for posting a photo of his computer!" Vily said. "Everything we said has convinced no one except ourselves!"

"I'm sure that's not true! BRAVE likes it! Dunk Dinkle upvotes everything we post."

"That's because I make him." Vily pulled out a cattle prod and jabbed it into the dark corner of the room where Dunk Dinkle was bound by his neck on a chain and fuzzy pink collar (extra-itchy) and wearing nothing nothing but his tighty whities. A muffled yelp escaped his ball-gag. "DINKLE, YOU BETTER HAVE ALL THOSE POSTS UPVOTED OR I'LL BRAND AN o7 ON YOUR BUTTCHEEK INSTEAD OF A 7o!!!!"

Dunk Dinkle screamed and began upvoting faster. The fireplace started to glow a deep red, but no one noticed.

"The point is, we have hurfed for a week and being honest, all we have to show for it is an ihub in Period Basis and an ihub in Catch. I don't even think the Mittani (pbuh) even remembered he even HAD that system. And we're in the process of losing those meager gains."

Progodlegend smashed his fist into the arm of his chair. "Of course we don't look good! They keep undocking Jackdaws! I'm too GOOD for fighting Jackdaws!!!! I'm an elite bloc fleet commander! The goons haven't shown me the proper RESPECT for me to win a lasting war! They don't even respect our ISK war victories! FUCK!"

Sapporo took a shot of whiskey. God he wished he was back in his quarters, exchanging sex with Jibrish for modbias in favor of TEST's low effort memes. "I don't know how to say it, but TEST can't spin. When we win, it's nice, but if we lose, we can't save face. Goons lost an entire region and not only did the Mittani (pbuh) spin the idea that he didn't want Deklein anyways but that Delve was better, he spun it so hard that it became objective reality!"

"What's his secret?" Vily wondered, stroking his handlebar moustache from which crumbs fell onto a book on the coffee table, How to Abandon Allies and Backstab Friends: Written with One Hand by GigX, forward written by TheGigX. "How do we spin like him?"

Immediately Progodlegend, tactical genius of the Legacy Coalition, stood up and begun to t-pose. Slowly he began to rotate until he was graceful as a Sufi dancer. "WE WILL UNDERSTAND THE MITTANI (pbuh) IF WE START TO SPIN!"

"A genius strategy!" Vily said. "Sapporo! Join us in spinning so we can unlock the Mittani's (pbuh) secrets!"

Sapporo Jones, a SUAD pilot, understood this was all insane and that only effort was preventing his entire corp from defecting to the Imperium. However, with nothing to be done about this situation, he sighed and began to spin.

The cinders of the fireplace began to spin around this impromptu ritual. Burning away their clothes, their penises swung out like the blades of a windmill and created a small cyclone of bookmarks, maps, low-effort memes, deflated dino costumes, and downvotes.

"PLEASE, IMAM ALI! RUMI! MUHAMMAD! ALLAH! REVEAL TO US THE SECRETS OF THE SPIN!" screamed Vily. All the embers of the fireplace sprang out into the cyclone and the room fell away.

"IT'S WORKING!!!! IT'S WORKING!!!!" shouted Progodlegend. "THIS IS WHY I AM TOO GOOD FOR JACKDAWS!!!!!!"

The embers swirled above their head and formed the calligraphic word Allah, followed by a rhythmic hum.

"Wait a minute! By Allah!" Vily shouted in surprise. The humming faded into a familiar Gregorian Goon Chant, UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH. Then the symbol of Allah faded in the distortions of the cyclone and reformed as the symbol of a grenade. They heard the Original Hymn of Goonfleet from their homelands in their mind as the grenade sprouted wings and exploded, rocketing themselves back into their chairs which floated on shards of hardwood in the void of space. As they choked on the vacuum of space and their lungs began to collapse, They saw the Mittani (pbuh) float in space.

The glowing radiance of a shirtless Mittani (pbuh) wearing nothing but a loincloth to barely cover his massive penis was already a sight few could behold while containing themselves, but the Mittani (pbuh) was fully naked this time. The cold of space offered no mercy for Vily, Progod, or Sapporo, for the Mittani's (pbuh) penis was not only fully erect and down to his knees, it was immune to shrinkage. All the cold of space could do was harden the Mittani's (pbuh) nipples until they became sharp as swords.

"You cannot master the spin," The Mittani (pbuh) revealed. "Verily I say unto you, no one but a Goon could master the spin."

"Why!!!!" Vily croaked out, his face blue as the ice in an ice belt, "What do you have that we don't!!!!!"

"I'm not a filthy pubbie for one," The Mittani (pbuh) replied. "But it is also that to truly spin, I do not spin at all."

"What?!?!?!"

"Indeed. It is not I that is spinning. It is the universe that's spinning." The Mittani (pbuh) clapped his hands together and revealed that between them lay all of New Eden, from Delve to Deklein, from sea to shining Immensea. "You cannot possibly understand how we make propaganda. You cannot understand how I have made Delve go from a rotten region to the Garden of Paradise, Janna, and thus you won't understand why all of nullsec will be mine."

In horror and jealous Vily watched the blue blob in Delve spread outwards, surrounding all of lowsec and empire space until a massive blue donut formed in Mittani's (pbuh) hands. The Mittani (pbuh) began to eat the New Eden donut, gorging himself on every morsel without chewing, until all of it rested in his stomach. He lurched, and began to gag. Seven horrific seconds later, The Mittani (pbuh) vomited out at high speeds a meteor.... no... Dabigredboat, and a thousand Goons cloaking and uncloaking behind him. Boat's asscheeks were tattoo'd, one cheek saying "NG" and the other saying "SA." The Hero of Asakai grinned widely, as he was bound for Esoteria.

The Mittani (pbuh) said, "You all look so surprised that your doom is nigh. You truly thought you were on the offensive and that you would conquer Delve?"

Vily despaired, knowing he could never defeat Dabigredboat, nor could Progodlegend. "We were supposed to reign for 65,000,000 years over EVE Online."

"Your very name is Legacy," Mittani (pbuh) said. "And all a dinosaur's legacy can be is their extinction."

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Print Screen - Did I do it right PAPI?

Posted: 09 Jul 2020 03:00 PM PDT

submitted by /u/EnderDragoon
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Pretty sure i nailed screen shotting

Posted: 09 Jul 2020 08:05 PM PDT

submitted by /u/xtra_squishy
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CCP.... THE FUCK!?

Posted: 09 Jul 2020 04:39 AM PDT

submitted by /u/Korkza
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"[...]All the skillpoints available to buy on the market in EVE will have originated on other characters[...]"

Posted: 09 Jul 2020 05:13 AM PDT

submitted by /u/Kritischer_Abschnitt
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Easiest hack of my life, thanks CCP

Posted: 09 Jul 2020 01:31 PM PDT

submitted by /u/Frostynee
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Day Four: Max CTA Be There

Posted: 09 Jul 2020 08:12 AM PDT

I am attempting to post an end-of-the day report each day of the war so far called World War Bee II. I'm attempting to catalog the various skirmishes and events in a simple easy-to-read format. While there are many layers to any conflict, some not seen and others showing themselves in various chat channels and propaganda, I would like to give the most people possible a layman's understanding. I have done my best to give the best battle reports and context but if you would like to submit corrections or feedback, please DM me on Discord at January Valentine#9887. If you like, check out my new blog: https://somethingyoushouldknow.substack.com/ where I'll be cross-posting this and other stories I find interesting.

Period Basis At approximately 1600 the IHUB in system of XZ-SKZ came out of its reinforcement timer. This system is quite important as it is in jump range of almost the entirety of Period Basis excluding the westernmost constellation and the southernmost constellation of Delve, granting huge control of the entire region and establishing a beachhead into Delve. The Imperium assembled a Baltec (Megathron/Bhaalgorn battleship) fleet of over 200 ships including 87 Megathrons, 39 Bhaalgorns and 28 Guardians along with over a dozen HAW dreadnoughts and several FAXes. Under fleet commanders Apple Pear and Alfius Togra, they set up on the CJF-1P gate in XZ-SKZ. CJF-1P is the regional gate in Stain that Legacy forces had to come through. The Legacy forces included a whooping 385 Munnins and 18 Cerberus from Invidia Gloriae Comes with 79 Scimitar logistical support, 55 Machariels from Siberian Squads with their fleet commander Hanzo Viper, 11 Claymore command ships and tactical destroyer/frigate wing composed of 40 jackdaws, 32 crucifiers, and 14 Harpy assault frigates. This is the first time Fraternity, the once bitter enemy of Legacy Coalition, was on-grid offensively as they, along with members of Brave, Evictus and Warped Intentions composed most of the Munnin fleet. Legacy's opening move was a bombing run that attempted to clear some of the sentry drones the Megathrons had dropped. The Confessor tactical destroyers sitting next to the megathrons cleared most of the most incoming bomb waves. Combined with the HAW revelations perched above the gate and the sniping sentry drones from the megathron fleet, the gate was surrounded with attackers' wrecks as they struggled to get out of the bubbles. Despite that, Hanzo's Machariel and the IGC Cerberus fleet slipped past and started work on entosising the node. Legacy would pay for that node losing 21.6b isk over 234 ships compared to Imperium forces losing only 4.5b over 43 ships. Concurrently, the bulk of TEST Alliance's forces were next door in 35-JWD, next door to another Imperium fleet in 0-NTIS. TEST was bringing over 3 fleets worth of ships with 538 being Munnins and Eagles and 25 command ships under fleet commanders ShutUpAndShave and Manfred Sideous. Anticipating an extremely large fleet, The Imperium had placed over 100 carriers - archons and thanatos on the in-gate to the system. Once again, the Legacy fleet jumped through and moved past the gate camp of carrier fighters, paying approximately 10b in heavy assault cruisers to do so. Despite that, they would trade more evenly, losing 18.2b over 153 ships to Imperium's 18.9b over 127 ships. Surprisingly, despite the large concentrations of forces on the gates, then nodes were mostly free of Imperium forces, allowing Legacy to completely kill the node a little over an hour later. Around 1730 Legacy dropped their own IHUB and completed the entosis making the first system change in the war. The overall fight for the constellation was about even, with Legacy losing 38.6b over 359 ships compared to Imperium which lost 29.2b over 252 ships.
Fountain Northern Coalition flipped the system I-CUVX in Hydra constellation of Fountain around the same time as the fight happening in Period Basis. A large Pandemic Horde munin fleet pushes off a small fleet from The Bastion over the IHUB and wins the objective losing 210m isk to Imperium losses of 2.9b. The IHUB timer in the system D4KU-5 went uncontested and regenerated back from vulnerability.
Minor Skirmishes
- Imperium loses two Ansiblex Jump Bridges, the first one in U-HYZN in Querious and the second in 1-SMEB in Delve. The structures were killed undefended.
- Imperium bring two fleets, one fleet of 250 Munin and Sacrilege heavy assault cruisers with support along with five Revelation dreadnoughts under fleet commander kocicek kill a Caldari Control Tower POS belonging to Black Omega Security in TCAG-3 in Period Basis.
- A large Imperium Jackdaw fleet engages with a TEST gate camp fleet on the TCAG-4 gate in G-M4GK. They kill the fighters of the TEST carriers losing only approximately 270m to TEST's losses of 1.1b.
- Pandemic Legion loses a Ragnarok Titan moving through in the system of Maseera in Arida by the infamous titan and supercarrier hunting group LowSechnaya Sholupen.
- Goonswarm loses four Amarr Control Tower POSs - 3 in Paragon Soul in 5AQ-5H, JI-K5H and ZBY-01 and 1 in Esoteria in HAJ-DQ.

Daily Campaign Metrics For the start date of July 8th to July 9th, the attacking Legacy and Pandafam Coalitions lost approximately 89.5b isk over 1596 ships compared to the defending Imperium losses of 119.9b isk over 1160 ships lost.

Corrections that need to be posted will be corrected as soon as I can, rest assured I'm keeping up with all your feedback. The posts and blog posts will be in a constant state of refinement until I get a system I'm happy with. Thank you for your continued kind words and support. :)

submitted by /u/JanuaryValentine
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[SP sale meme] #justCCPthings

Posted: 09 Jul 2020 08:08 AM PDT

submitted by /u/-JustPeachy-
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TAPI: fails to tale screenshot

Posted: 09 Jul 2020 01:19 PM PDT

submitted by /u/soren88
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MURDER!!!!!!!!!!

Posted: 09 Jul 2020 08:57 PM PDT

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rU7ZMIQEYHQ

"No no... don't touch us there....
This is.. our no no square."

submitted by /u/DeeCee_317
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